Knives and Razorblades
by RosesHaveThorns3713
Summary: Edward left. Bella is devestated. What if she did something more... physcial about it? Just an idea i've had for a while. Plz R & R!
1. Chapter 1

**Sorry for not updating my other stories. I'm not 100% sure where I want to go with them and have been totally bogged down with homework for the past month. Whenever I get a chance to go on Fanfiction I always end up reading other peoples (much better) stories instead.**

**Anyway this is an idea that I've had for a while and thought I would get it out of my system.**

**Plz review even if it's to tell me it's a crap story.**

**Enjoy! **

**Knives and Razorblades**

(BPOV)

I was tired of all of this.

All this pain.

This hopelessness.

This never-ending void of depression that I'm slowly sinking ever-deeper into.

I just want _him_ back. I want the person I was with _him_ back; instead of this life-less zombie that is in her place.

I know I had promised _him_ that I would not do anything reckless or stupid; but really it was reckless and stupid of him to leave me here alone and think that I could survive without him.

I just can't handle living without _him a_nymore.

I've thought about ending this pain that I live with constantly but for some reason I can't bring myself to do it.

However the idea of doing something about how totally devastated I felt sounded good.

I would only make one small cut. Just one to ease the pain.

This thought was so tempting I was powerless to resist it.

It was not like I was going to kill myself or anything. It would not matter if I did anyway I died when _he _left. When _his _words had plunged a serrated knife through my still beating heart.

As if some invisible force was compelling me and controlling my actions, I got up from my bed where I had previously been seated and moved towards the bathroom.

I slowly entered the small room, silently thanking what ever power had made Charlie so determined to spend the whole day down at the Black's Place in La Push.

I took my small bag of toiletries from the shelf and made my way back to my bedroom, closing both doors behind me.

I sat back down on the bed and opened the small purple seemingly inoffensive bag of toiletries.

_Toothbrush, Toothpaste, Band-aids, Lip-gloss, Shampoo, Conditioner, Razor...._

Razor...

I slowly withdrew the razor from the bag. No other time when I had held it did it feel so heavy, so dangerous...?

I knew it had not changed its weight but it was heavy nonetheless with the enormity of what I was about to do.

I raised the blade above my left forearm and the cold hard steel reflected the rays of sunshine that lingered in the room.

In that moment I was so distracted by thoughts of how another surface was affected by the sunlight that I forgot the task in hand. I quickly returned to it.

I pressed the blade to my arm and moved it sharply to the right in a quick jerk-like motion.

Nothing happened.

Great I can't even self harm right.

I tried again. This time I pressed the blade in harder and moved it without thinking much about what I was doing.

Success.

Dark blood oozed out of the gash in stark contrast to my deathly pale skin.

It didn't hurt so much. Had I done something wrong?

It felt good though, scarily good. Like I was on some strange high that only I could experience.

I made another cut next to the first. It hurt more this time but it was also sort of a relief to do something about how agonized I was feeling.

I thought maybe I'll stop now.

I didn't.

I made another three deep cuts in a curving line. It bled a lot and hurt like hell.

By this time my entire left arm was engulfed in the scarlet liquid. I made no move to clear it up. The cutting in mere moments had become my physical pain release. I was now hooked.

I slashed left and right at my right arm now; working to the same random criss-cross pattern.

It was only then that I noticed the pool of blood that was beginning to form at my feet.

In that moment I knew I was going to die. I had lost too much blood too quickly.

Strangely this thought did not worry me. I had nothing left to live for anyway. I was eager for the end to come, for this agony to be over at last.

I was saddened though by the thought that I would not even get to see Edward (there was no point in not thinking his name now, I was dying) one last time before I died. To tell him that no matter what I would always love him.

The end is near now I can feel it, I long for it.

_Goodbye Edward._ I thought.

_I love you...._

**A/N: I'm extremely nervous to know what you think. Please review and tell me. I accepted all reviews Good, Bad and Weird. Remember reviews are better presents than yellow Porsche's.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**MM**


	2. Chapter 2

**I know it's been **_**forever **_**since I last updated sorry :( I have been under a lot of pressure at school with exams, coursework and other meaningless torture my teachers think up for me. However once I got that cleared up and back on to Fanfiction again I felt so self-conscious about my writing compared to everyone else's amazing stories I could not find the courage to post something; until now. But enough with the excuses and on with the story.**

**This Chapter is dedicated to: Rocker1901 (My only Reviewer last chapter)**

**Listen to: Uprising by Muse while reading**

**Chapter 2- Drugs**

Well now I'm a total failure I cannot even kill myself properly.

It turns out that cutting yourself does not actually have a great chance of killing you. It hurts like hell at the beginning and bleeds a lot on your first couple of times but that's about the extent of it.

After my last failed attempt at suicide I decided whatever I tried next would have to be fool proof and permanent.

Living is hard enough; but thinking you've died and then living is harder.

I've decided my next course of action will be pills.

Simple, easy, painless.

I had them in my hand currently. Five small white inoffensive pills.

It had been 3 days since my last attempt and I already felt the desire to be over with life; for good this time.

I picked up the glass of water from my bedside table placed the pills in my mouth and swallowed the water...

**Let me know what you think and whether I should bother continuing. **

**Mx**


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